Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
