sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
