they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
