my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize