Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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