I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
