I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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