Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
