At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
