i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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