i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
