I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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