hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
