I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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