He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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