i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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