There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
