and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize