I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
it's like iHOP with fire
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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