Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
