Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
