So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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