DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
