in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How does one acquire holy water?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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