I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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