my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
