My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
