I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
