Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
