I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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