So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
