last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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