kristin has been a bad kristin
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
