I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
