I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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