it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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