At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
