By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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