is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize