there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
