every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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