I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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