this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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