I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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