I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize