Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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