He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
