it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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