JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize