Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just found puke in my bra..
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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