between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
