That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
