It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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