Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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