bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
