the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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