God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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