I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
organizing the empties. That sober.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
