You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
