cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
birth control should be required to get into college
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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