I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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