I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
