Plan B is the new Plan A
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
