Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
