Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize