Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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