yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
