when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
