Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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