I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Sorry my hands just texted you
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
