I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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