it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
